Coaches Memo is an area where I share what is going on in my world, the ways in which the power of coaching is affecting my life, and insights I have recently experienced.

Go Ahead, Choose the Best Blueberries and the Best of Life

blueberriesI just ate the biggest, juiciest best blueberry in the colander.  Perfect ripeness, juicy deliciousness, everything you want in blueberries. 

This is notable because when I am with my family of choice in San Francisco I rarely, if ever, get “that” blueberry or even any of its close cousins.  Nine year-old Ariana LOVES blueberries and with the enthusiasm she the displays for everything she loves and enjoys she pulls the bowl of fresh washed berries over close to her at the breakfast and, berry by berry, finds the best this batch of blueberries has to offer.  She revels in each berry, putting one after the other in her mouth alternating hands so she does not miss a berry.  Her berry eating pleasure is often accompanied by expressions of joy and delight and letting us know just how much she LOVES blueberries as if we hadn’t noticed.  Once she has consumed the best she is done.  The bowl is pushed away.  She will not eat under-ripe, small or dried up berries.

Occasionally, I wish the sharing lessons would kick in but not this morning.  I smile as I realize that she has a skill that we seem to lose as we get older.  We “suffer” with a lot of sour, dried up “blueberries” rather than choosing those that we relish.  If choices like eating all of the berries -- even those that fail to bring pleasure or enjoyment -- because they are in front of us were only true of blueberries, not a big problem.  A little less blueberry pleasure is not a big deal in the whole of a life.  Unfortunately we do not limit being “content” with what is in front of us to blueberries.  It is a way a being for many of us.  We believe we are obligated (sigh with heavy heart) to “take the good with the bad.”  In some cases this is true and necessary but certainly not with blueberries and many, many parts of our lives. We choose, or more often than not fail to choose, whatever comes our way when other options are possible.  We don’t so much “take the good with the bad” as we let the “bad” roll over us frequently with too little “good” because we fail to choose or make choices that are powerful and pleasurable.

We can reject less than satisfactory choices, just as Ariana chooses only the best most flavorful berries and says “no, thank you” to the rest.

So for today, make choices where you are able, in a way that maximizes your pleasure rather than automatically taking whatever comes.  This may be as simple as locating that favorite song or play list for your commute rather than enduring it in silence or with whatever comes on the radio.  Look for those experiences and choices that like fat juicy blueberries will add pleasure and enjoyment in larger more important areas of your life.

I am a firm believer that your career, your relationships, your connections, all that you do can be the fattest, juiciest yummiest blueberries ever experienced.  There will be work along the way but there can be lots of fat blueberries.  The work you do then leads you to better and better baskets of blueberries.  As an experienced professional coach I know where to help you find some of the best life has to offer, to support you to choose it and bring much more of the best - most pleasurable into your life, so please This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

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As the Year and Decade Draw to a Close....

Mindful Transitions make the road ahead joyful

Making Mindful Transitions for Joyful Living

This year ends and the millennial decade is over – not just another year but a new decade begins. How will you be closing out the decade and the year? What baggage do you need to leave behind and what do you need to pick up for your journey ahead? Will this year that perhaps brought significant challenges and changes just come and go or will you be marking its end and the beginning of a new year in a way that invites presence, joy and a fresh start?

It is usually about the time that Christmas decorations appear in the mall and we start making plans for Thanksgiving that we wonder, “where did this year go? I had such plans and I feel as if I did not accomplish all I wanted to do.” Enter the holidays and the bustle and busyness involved. Before we know it, it’s Valentines or Easter. Days come and go in a blur of calendar pages flying past and the life we desire continues to be a dream or something accomplished in fits and starts.

Our ancestors marked the passage of time with feast days, festivals, ritual and celebration. Community was an important part of these events. They celebrated, played, danced and made music, conducted rituals and rites of passage, witnessed, and much more. Modern culture uses holidays as a way to take a rest from our over scheduled lives and jobs. We no longer have much time to celebrate, express gratitude, grieve and move consciously forward with purpose. We seldom venture into the public square to acknowledge the richness of our lives preferring to vacation away from that community and usually in relative isolation.

Tri-athletes know that races can be won or lost in the transitions. How we mark transitions in life and time is important. Too often we never really end things but drift into something new. The residue of the past clouds the joy and clarity to be found in the new. Baggage that should be left behind is schlepped into the future. Unrealized dreams and goals are part of that baggage even though those dreams and goals no longer fit our life. Accomplishments never sink in as they are part of the blur and not celebrated. As I work with coaching clients, I often see that many false starts are the result of unconscious, untidy endings.

As the year comes to a close I would invite you to consider the following as a way of consciously and powerfully moving into the New Year;

  • Take inventory of what the past year and decade have been for you
  • Identify what you no longer need and can leave behind
  • Design/join in ritual and celebration to acknowledge, celebrate and complete
  • Invite or join with others – your community - in marking the transition of the year/decade
  • Find time to be present to what you really desire in your life – not someone else’s goals/standards but what is deep in your heart. Let this awareness come less from the mind and more from the body and the gut
  • Take time to remember ancestors and invite spirit to assist and support you
  • Life should be fun and playful so do not allow all of this to be only serious and ponderous.

New Year Visions is this and much more. I would invite you to join us at Wildwood to be supported in loving, naked community as you transition your year. We will join together to create play and ritual to assist us in imagining a more powerful and joyful future free from the elements of the past we no longer need/want.

Over the next few weeks I will be adding items to my website to assist you in closing and beginning new chapters in your life. Please check back often as I will update frequently between now and the end of the year.

Dave Allen is a Life and Erotic Coach specializing in creating safe space for men to build the bridge from the life they have to the life they desire; living in bodies they love, with joyful erotic expression, authentic spiritual connection and moving forward with power, play and joy. This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

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Want Powerful Transformation - Change the View

From Julie Andrews Point - Wildwood

A Coach’s Perspective: Place and Transformation

When I was about 12 years old my father discovered his interest in collecting rocks and began dragging our family all over the barren, desert and unpopulated areas of the western Untied States. Generally my attitude toward dad’s new hobby was somewhere between benign disinterest and embarrassment as no other dads did this. In an effort to improve my interest and enthusiasm, my parents bought a small motorcycle that I was only allowed to ride on rock hounding excursions. Riding out into the desert alone I began to experience the beauty and energy of the places we visited.

Utah’s Henry Mountains became a favorite site. I would ride far out, remove my cloths and sit naked on the red rock and look out at the seemingly endless horizon. Without all of the things that I felt that defined and/or confined my life, I could imagine myself differently. Naked on a rock I could create my own life.

Many years later, as a coach, I realize that place has an important role in bringing about change in our lives. Why?

Being away from home is useful for getting out of your rut – especially if you can’t see you are in one. Our default is to create lives that support us in maintaining the life we have not the life we desire. If you believe you are not in some kind of a rut. Look at how you schedule your life. What is your daily routine? How do you spend your weekends? What do you eat and how frequently? Replace eat with watch, listen to, read, and/or activities that occupy your free time and you may begin to see your “ruts”. Habits are useful to get you to exercise and accomplish other things in your life but they rarely support change as they are reinforcing of the status quo. Away from the familiar and comfortable you can be free of your ruts and free to question their existence and imagine or better still live your life differently.

The energy of place can inspire or support transformation. For centuries there have been pilgrimages to places with the reputation of having unique qualities for healing, insight, transformation and strength. One need not understand how or why these places influence our lives to be effected. There are places like Giza, Sedona, Machu Picchu, Stonehenge and others that feel different and can leave you with energy and connection to spirit. Some of these places were built or have become sacred sites through use, others are naturally occurring without man’s intervention.

One of my personal power spots has been the Big Island of Hawaii. Much of my growth and transformation has roots there. I allowed myself, including previously hidden parts of myself to be seen here in a way that was not occurring elsewhere. The vast ocean, gentle breezes and flowing lava called out to me to reveal my wholeness as no other place had. Other lesser known places that I hold sacred and powerful are Wildwood in Northern California and Easton Mountain in Upstate New York, Balin Garu near Graton NSW Australia and Shanti Bhavan near Nimbin NSW Australia .

More recently I have been influenced by Chichen Itza, near Cancun, Mexico. I do not understand a lot about the civilization that built this place. I do know the culture had an advanced knowledge of the natural world especially astronomy. Since my visit to Chichen Itza I have been more aware of and connected to the natural world than I usually am. My life and my work have both been influenced by the enhanced awareness of nature. This connection has invited me to explore a deeper connection with feminine energy. Spring for me has been like a courtship which began while in Mexico sitting on the beach under a full moon.

In short new begets new. Even if one is not willing to accept that places might have energy to affect the lives of people, place can still support change. When going to a new place or a place less frequented it is almost impossible not to have new or different experiences and make new connections. From these experiences and connection new perspectives emerge. It is from new perspective that change can emerges and flourish.

Place can invite change in a gentler way. Many equate change and transformation as work – hard work. An alternate view is that change and transformation can also be fun. Away from familiar surroundings and routine we more readily engage in play. Play is a potent way to access energy and inspiration for change. If the place invites play the imagination begins to fire. The play stimulated imagination allows one to see possibilities unseen in the work a day course of life at home.

Many years ago on weathered red rock, I believed that my life could be lived in the way that I desired. Whether it was the vastness, or the newness of the location or the energetic qualities of the place something informed me that my life could also have bigness. My experience is not unique. Myth, legend and sacred history are rich in the stories of insight and wisdom gained away from home. So get out of you corner and begin living the life you desire and deserve.

Dave Allen is a Life Coach that lives his dream coaching and facilitating workshops for men in the beautiful and powerful places. He works with men regardless of where they are located to find and live their dreams. He specializes in assisting men to build the bridges from existing lives to the lives they want. He invites all men to create a personal connection to source or spirit, to live in their bodies, and create authentic erotic lives as they live from their hearts with powerful and loving connections.

Contact Dave by This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at

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